Top 10 Achievements You Really Don't Want to Unlock

Introduction

Look, we’re all about celebrating your wins. But sometimes… sometimes you do things that are so spectacularly bad that we have to commemorate them. Here are the top 10 achievements that will haunt your profile forever.

1. “Commit Message Poet” 🎭

How to unlock: Use “fixed stuff” as a commit message 50 times.

We get it. Naming things is hard. But come on. Your future self (and your teammates) deserve better than “fixed stuff” or “asdfasdf” or the classic “IT WORKS DON’T TOUCH IT”.

How to avoid: Take 10 seconds to write an actual commit message. Your code reviewer will thank you.

2. “Callback Hell Architect” 🔥

How to unlock: Nest callbacks 8 levels deep.

If your code looks like a sideways pyramid, you’ve gone too far. This isn’t Inception. We don’t need to go deeper.

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getData(function(a) {
    getMoreData(a, function(b) {
        getMoreData(b, function(c) {
            // ... 5 more levels of pain
        });
    });
});

How to avoid: Learn about Promises. Or async/await. Please. We’re begging you.

3. “Variable Name Terrorist” 💀

How to unlock: Use single-letter variable names in 100 different places.

x, y, z, a, b, c… Are you writing code or playing alphabet soup?

How to avoid: Descriptive names. userData is better than x. isUserLoggedIn is better than b. Your IDE has autocomplete. Use it.

4. “The Commenter” 📝

How to unlock: Write more lines of comments than actual code.

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// This function adds two numbers
// It takes two parameters
// The first parameter is the first number
// The second parameter is the second number
// It returns the sum
function add(a, b) {
    return a + b; // return the sum
}

If your code needs that much explanation, maybe the code is the problem.

How to avoid: Write self-documenting code. Good variable names and function names are better than comments.

5. “Console.log Debugger” 🐛

How to unlock: Have 50+ console.log statements in production code.

We’ve all been there. But at some point, you need to learn about actual debugging tools. Your browser has a debugger. Use it.

How to avoid: Learn to use breakpoints. Or at least remove the console.logs before committing.

6. “Copy-Paste Champion” 📋

How to unlock: Have the same code block repeated 10+ times.

DRY stands for “Don’t Repeat Yourself”, not “Definitely Repeat Yourself”. If you’re copying and pasting code, you should probably write a function.

How to avoid: Functions. Classes. Modules. Literally any form of code reuse.

7. “Merge Conflict Avoider” 🙈

How to unlock: Force push over merge conflicts 20 times.

Your teammates’ work just disappeared. They’re not happy. We’re not happy. Git is crying.

How to avoid: Learn to resolve merge conflicts. It’s not that scary. We promise.

8. “The Optimist” 🌈

How to unlock: Never write a single try-catch block in 1000+ lines of code.

What could possibly go wrong? (Everything. Everything could go wrong.)

How to avoid: Error handling. It’s not optional. Your users will thank you.

9. “TODO Collector” 📌

How to unlock: Have 100+ TODO comments in your codebase.

At this point, you need a TODO list for your TODOs. Maybe a project management tool?

How to avoid: Actually do the TODOs. Or delete them if they’re never getting done.

10. “The Perfectionist” ⏰

How to unlock: Spend 6 hours refactoring code that works perfectly fine.

Sometimes good enough is good enough. Ship it. Move on. You can always refactor later.

How to avoid: Know when to stop. Perfect is the enemy of done.

Conclusion

If you’ve unlocked any of these achievements, don’t worry. We’ve all been there. The important thing is that you learn from your mistakes and git gud.

And hey, at least you’ll have some funny badges to show for it. 😅

Want to see which shameful achievements you’ve unlocked? Start your GitGud journey today and find out!